Things Never Said

If your so smart, then why are you morbidly obese? Arent you smart enough to see that its incredibly unhealthy? If your so smart, why dont you have a job. Do you even get out of that bed? And no, getting up to take a piss because you just drank four big gulps that you made your 11 year old son walk to the store to get dosent count. You have a chair in your bathtub because you cant stand up for that long. If your so damn smart, then why are you in poverty, living on the taxpayers money. If your so smart, why cant you realise your own addiction. You have seven computors, yet you have to struggle to feed your family every week. If your so fucking smart, why cant you see whats wrong with your own daughter? If your so god damn smart, then you would see that your a 400 pound dead beat, who needs to get a job. Its not your body type, its your lifestyle. And it needs to change. And you wonder why your daughter ran away from you. If you were so smart, you wouldnt be living in a hotel.

You need to get help. You may not know it, you get it from your father, you belive that your incredibly smart, but really, your socially deficent. You cant function in the normal world. You never leave your fantasy land, and your perception on realtiy is skewed. You think your above everyone else, but your not. You are book smart, but in what you surpass in book smarts, you heavily lack in street smarts. Your as loyal as loyal could be, but are you really? Or did you just treat me as another pawn? You drag others down with you. You need to come out of your fantasy land and see whats reality.

Im sorry I'm not what you wanted me to be, but thats just not who I am. I love you, very much, but I have to love me too. Would you accept me if I told you the truth, would you still see me (the little that you do) if you knew that I didnt belive in your god, that I supported abortion, that I loved Harry Potter, and that I like girls? Would you accept me if you knew that I wish I was a guy? Would you treat me as one? Would you grant me the same privlages as you do the others? All I've wanted was for you to be there for me, and for you to love me. I dont doubt that you love me but I know that you were never there for me. When I needed a figure like you in my life most, you left me. Did you not see how much that hurt? Or did you only see the drugs, and the girl in front of you?  Can we ever go back to the way things used to be? You ran away from her, yet you left me with her.

Fuck you. Fuck you and everything you belive in. Fuck you and your hatred. Fuck you and your close minded beliefs. I dont fucking care what you think. I know you would disown me if you knew me. I dont care how good of a person you are, you are lower then dust in my eyes.

I wish I could tell you how much I really cared about you. I wish that you could have felt the same for me, but I know it wasent there. I was lying to myself. I cared for you so much, and I only wanted to make you happy. I would have cut off my arm, if I knew that you would have been able to be happy. I wish you could have loved me like I loved you.

Your beautiful, your gorgous. You are the picture of perfection. If there is a god, he can do no more. He has created a masterpiece. I wish that I could photograph you, but I know that my camera cant do you justice. The way the sunlight reflects off your midnight hair, and your soft, perfect features as they stare blankly out the bus window. You are beautiful. I dont even know your name.

How dare you push your daughter like that. Do you not see that it is breaking her? You tell her to do better, and she is doing the best she can. You are the one that needs to do better, better as a parent to see past things such as GPA's and Community Service time. Do you not remember what it was like being a kid? You cant push your daughter to be perfect, until you are perfect yourself. And you will never be. You think you are preparing her for life, but really you are just ruining hers.

You think that you can drag me down with you? Well im sorry, but you cant. You have to ride on your own two wheels like a big girl now, and face the fact that I am an independent person, with my own dreams, aspirations, and my own life.  You wonder why its so hard for you to make friends? I am not something for you to leech off of. I am my own person, and so are you! So you dont have to go and buy every volume of a book, just beacuse you saw me pick it up in a store. You dont have to start copying what I do, and trying to outdo me in everything I find enjoyment in. And you know what? Your life wasent that bad. Sure, your dad was a dick, but theres a whole fuckton of people, who had it off a billion times worse then you and never shed a single tear. Daddy never loved you? Well your mom is more then enough to make up for that. Your a spoiled child, and no, your not queen of the fucking world, and your definitly not ruler of mine.