College and beyond

High school is over. I am officially a college student. I realize that this is a huge turning point in my life. No longer will I be micro-managed and herded through life like a sheep in a crowd. Now its the time to make my own way, my own choices and decisions. Its exciting, but at the same time, quite frightening. I am afraid I will loose contact with the friends I hold dear to me now. I know that people tend to drift apart, loose contact after high school. And really, that's already begun to happen. I've lost close contact with friends I used to talk to on a regular basis. So many of my friends that I was so close with in 8th grade... freshman, sophomore year. I've already begun the process of loosing friends. And I know with so many of them going off to colleges in different states, it will only progress. I don't feel like there is much I can do about it, because thats just the way things happen.
And with so many choices to make now, all on my own, I fear I might make the wrong decision, that will lead me down a dead end, or turn me onto a path that is more difficult than it needs to be. I fret over choosing a professor for a class, deciding weather I want to go full time or part time, weather I want to keep both my jobs. I'm afraid one wrong move will ruin my plans, which I don't even know what they are yet, which may be part of the reason I'm so worried about the smallest decision. Right now I feel like I'm waiting. I wish Fall term would start so I could get going on with my life. I want to move forward, but it feels like that this entire summer is one big rut, or a pause in my life.
On a happier note, I'll be starting julnowrimo this year. Its like NaNoWriMo, except in July. And this time I have a plot in mind. So hopefully, by the time I'm finished, I will love my manuscript, instead of loathing it.

... Fuck. I just went to get a 3-month subby, and I accidently hit one year. Now I'm overdrawn $15, and the overdraft fee will kick in tomorrow. Effin' fabulous. Well, better make the most of it.

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